We know conflict is going to happen. Two children will want the same toy. Children will bump into each other. Someone will say something upsetting to another. There’s another type of conflict as well. The conflict brought on by what the teacher wants and what the child wants.
Read the following out loud What’s the matter? Can you use your words? Be careful.
Did you notice anything about them? These examples are frequently heard in the classroom. Now read these out loud. Can I help you with that? You seem upset. What happened? I’m worried you might fall. Let’s keep our feet on the floor.
Did you notice a difference from the first set? We can set up a conflict between ourselves and the children by using commands instead of seeking to understand the child. Most of us (including children) do not like being told what to do. As adults, we have emotional controls so we don’t lash out at someone for issuing a command. Children are still working on those controls.
If you’re in the Midwest, as I am, winter brings the nightmare of getting dressed for freezing cold weather. There’s not only coats, but boots and snow pants and gloves and scarves and hats. And everything has a specific order of assembly. And you have 15 children to get ready without passing out from overheating.
As we are focusing on our view of children, let’s go through a few questions to help us see how we are viewing the capabilities of the children in our care.
Do you plan extra time for getting dressed and undressed for the weather so you are not taking away valuable outdoor time? Winter outerwear just takes longer. By planning extra time, you avoid the need to rush the children. You can allow them the time they need to learn the new skills of getting ready for a cold outdoors. Rushing is stressful and challenges everyone’s patience.
When a child is struggling with getting dressed, how quickly do you jump in to help? Do you ask first? While we don’t want children to get too frustrated, we do want them to persist and master the skills we are teaching and they are practicing. You show the child respect if, when you see a child struggling, you ask if they need assistance yet. If they say no, then wait and watch. If they are getting more frustrated, ask again. Odds are the child will allow you to help when they reach a level of frustration. Show the child you trust them to let you know when they need help.
Do the children gather their own coats and winter attire? Sometime children can get distracted from the task at hand. When that happens, how do you get them back on track? Do you hand them their coat or point them in the right direction to get it for themselves? Do you believe they can keep track of their belongings?
As you are getting your class ready for the cold of winter, I encourage you to step back and check for the messages you are sending the children. Sure, it’s easier and faster to do it for them, but we are teaching them to be independent children and that takes time and a belief that they are capable.
