We know conflict is going to happen. Two children will want the same toy. Children will bump into each other. Someone will say something upsetting to another. There’s another type of conflict as well. The conflict brought on by what the teacher wants and what the child wants.

Read the following out loud
What’s the matter?
Can you use your words?
Be careful.

Did you notice anything about them? These examples are frequently heard in the classroom. Now read these out loud.
Can I help you with that?
You seem upset. What happened?
I’m worried you might fall. Let’s keep our feet on the floor.

Did you notice a difference from the first set?
We can set up a conflict between ourselves and the children by using commands instead of seeking to understand the child. Most of us (including children) do not like being told what to do. As adults, we have emotional controls so we don’t lash out at someone for issuing a command. Children are still working on those controls.